Hope Suffering

Hope Flickers

I was sitting at ballet with my girls, ill health and pain overwhelming me, making me unable to even concentrate on the conversation happening between mothers waiting for their girls. I had been experiencing a major, debilitating health decline and had not yet been diagnosed. I huddled in the corner and considered both the gifts given when you most needed them, and the hope that kept being snuffed and relight. I wrote this on my phone as an expression of a hope during dark days. I’ve only edited it slightly, as I think the rawness and roughness is a true expression of holding on to hope and faith during a stormy time period. 

Hope flickers. It bursts into flame.
At last something to look forward to,
A reminder you are not forgotten in the bestowing of God’s favor.
A new lightness, a new warm feeling, a lessening of fear and pain,
Comfort and faith bloom hesitatingly, peeking heads up in hope that frosts won’t come again
Just when darkness was too much for you, a light is given.
You hold on, your shoulders lift, your head peeks out, hoping a life sniper isn’t aiming for you.

You count,
1…2…3…your head is still there
3…4…5…hope grows
6…7…8 you count your blessing
9… and the counting stops and hope is snatched, shriveled, snuffed, shot.

You are shoved down, back in the hole, back in the ground, the grave.
Hope dies. You are in the belly of the whale, but you don’t know why.
Jonah had it easy. At least he knew why.

Let’s count another way.
1. Jesus was executed, beaten and rejected,
2. He went forward in love because of the hope set before him.
3. Because of him we also can have hope.

We can hope because our bodies die as seeds to rise again to eternal life.
As seeds we are eaten by the birds, flown through the air, pummeled by the animals, digested by the bowels.
But yet we hope,
despite the dark places.
Yet we hope when there is no light,
because light shines inside
Yet we hope when death overcomes,
because he who is the death overcomer has promised hope to us.

And so we start again.
Hope flickers. It bursts into flames.


Photo by Igor Lepilin on Unsplash

Photo by ATHULRAJ KV on Unsplash

8 thoughts on “Hope Flickers”

    1. Sometimes it’s hard to share the raw parts of life, so I’m glad to hear you saw beauty as well as rawness in this piece. <3

  1. Wonderful. Beautiful. Inspirational. My heart goes out to you.

    “Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.”

    I’ll be praying for you, Kimi … for a rapid and complete recovery. God Bless You and Keep You!

    1. Bill,

      Thank you for the lovely comment. It encouraged me! And thank you for the prayers. I deeply appreciate them.

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